Why do I do this to myself?

Why do I insist on making myself more melancholy when I'm blues-y enough as it is? I always do this to myself - I read or watch something incredibly sad or depressing, which tends to make me feel worse (instead of better) and angry depending on what it's about.

Today I was catching up on my Tivo-ed Oprahs. I cleared a bunch out because they were either repeats I'd already watched (and didn't feel like watching again) or they didn't hold my interest beyond the intro. I had one in particular that had been sitting in the queue for a little bit. It was the "Special Presentation" of Oprah and Elie Wiesel at the Auschwitz Death Camp. I'd saved this one in particular to watch later. It looked like it would be a powerful episode and something I wanted to save for a time where I wouldn't be interrupted or distracted.

Holy cow. Not that I was ever naive about that stuff to begin with, but the horrors they talked about and showed through pictures and old film reels were just unspeakable. Horrible. But powerful. Clearly illustrating why this can never, ever be allowed to happen again. I think I spent a good part of the program in tears. The whole thing just made me so sad. So horrified. So, I don't know how to describe it. But an hour (well, more like 45 minutes with the "reduced" commercials) of Oprah really bummed me out the rest of the day. Well, it contributed to my bummed out-ness. And of course I spent a better part of the afternoon pissed of and sad all at the same time.

Of course now I want to read Elie Wiesel's book, Night. It is part of Oprah's book club, you know. But not just yet. I think reading the book, though it's probably a very good book, would likely send me into the Downward Spiral of Despair. No. I'll read it in a few weeks. I'll stick to some lighter reading for now. Like The Devil Wears Prada in anticipation of the new movie-based-on-a-book-I've-read-that's-likely-gonna-piss-me-off-with-omissions-and-stuff-they-change-from -the-book. I never learn, I tell ya.

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