3.31.2008

What happened to March?????

That is the question du jour. It feels like this month just barely started, now here we are. The month coming to a close. I feel like I have accomplished nothing, yet so much at the same time. I guess we'll see where April takes me.

This weekend was full of events. I tried to spend a fair amount of time on my own. My plan for total and complete solitude didn't quite pan out, but it's fine. I had some stolen moments and that was enough for me. I still have a lot of shit to sort through in my scary, scary head, but it's all good. I think I know where I'm headed. Now I just need to get there. With my sanity and a fair amount of integrity still intact. At least that's the hope.

I have proven that I can stick to a plan. And take the high road. And choose joy. All at the same time. Some of those things have been very hard for me to do. Especially taking the high road. I am known for falling into ruts of pettiness and childish behaviour every now and then. And not the good kind of childish behaviour either. I think that's diminished over time as I just don't have time, the energy, or the inclination for all the freaking drama.

I. hate. drama.

I've had to experience some drama lately and I friggin' hate it. Bad drama. We're talking junior high antics sort of drama. Why? Why is it necessary? Please explain this to me? I chose not to get drawn into it. I reacted to it. Not directly to the offenders. Unfortunately to an innocent bystander who hates drama as much as I do, if not more, which I'm truly sorry for. It fucking pissed me off is what it did. It burned a few bridges and caused me to turn and walk away from a friendship (although if this person were truly my friend, none of this crap would have went down in the first place) because once someone pulls that kind of shit with me I am D.O.N.E.

Funny thing is I am sure there was some level of expectation that I would bend to the Irish and Sicilian blood that runs through my veins and fuels my nasty, nasty, temper and raise a huge fit. Nope. Sorry to disappoint. And also that I'd bend to the Spanish blood that runs through my veins and go on some crazy revenge kick. Nope. Sorry to disappoint yet again. I am sorry to say that it's just not worth my time or energy. And though the two latter options may be oh-so-tempting, I choose to turn around, walk out of the room, and close the door quietly behind me as I leave.

Instead I choose joy. It's a very simple thing to choose really, but it gives me so much peace and contentment in my world. It allows me to focus and surround myself only with those who make me happy. And that's huge for me since I'm such a moody-broody artist type. You all know who you are too. I think I may have mentioned at least once or twice or three times or even shown you how glad I am that you're in my life and how much it means to me that you're a part of my world.

I also choose joy in the things that surround me. The way the sunlight falls upon something and gives it a fresh look. The strides my tulips are making as they pop out of the soil and get ready to bloom. The silly giggles of a 4-year-old. The fine mist of green that's slowly starting to take up the rolling hills around me, which means one of my favorite times of the year is upon us. The color ORANGE (and I am sure E is jumping for joy at this revelation!). I even have a (very) unhealthy addiction to orange post-it notes at the moment. Which could be very, very bad.

What gave me the biggest joy (and not to mention the biggest shock) this weekend was the fact that the obnoxious bright blue Qwest sign that adorns the top of the Qwest building downtown actually got TURNED OFF during Earth Hour this weekend. Most nights you can ride the freaking light all the way out to the burbs. Hell, on evening flights you can see that bloody sign from miles and miles away. It's obnoxious. But they turned it off for a full hour on Saturday, and that my friends brought me such joy.

So what does April have in store? To be honest, I have no idea and really no expectations other than reduced drama and hopefully getting my car situation sorted out. Among other things... Stay tuned...

2 comments:

Lee said...

Here! Here!

May this next month bring you NO DRAMA and great JOY! I've got my fingers crossed for you chickie that the puzzle pieces fall into place.

D said...

I think your mantra should be "no more drama." Although I doubt you can avoid it entirely. It's just a matter of how you deal with it.

Should I be concerned about the new fascination with orange? ~D