No, I am not having a mid-life crisis.

What is a mid-life crisis anyway? Seriously. Makes me sound like some sort of a freaking desperate housewife or something (and for the record I HATE that show. it's lame.), which I am most certainly NOT. I mean the stereotypical mid-life crisis usually consists of some overweight, balding dude at or around 40, who wakes up one day and looks at his tired old self in his tired old life and decides to do something to make himself seem young and hot and interesting again so he will either go out and buy a Ferrari (aka way overpriced penis extension) or take on a mistress, or go get hair plugs, or all of the above. For women, I think they usually go buy themselves some boobs or get a face lift and a tummy tuck and then take up with the pool boy.

Oh, and contrary to what may or may not have been posted here on Friday I am NOT upgrading my rack. Number one, I don't think I need it. Number two, someone I adore and who's opinion I respect has asked me not to. Number three, I don't want to look like this chick at the gym yesterday who I swear was gonna knock herself out with her boobs - note to chick-at-the-gym: supportive sports bras - they're a good thing! No, this was simply paybacks from a dear, deranged friend. I hijaked his phone and texted some things I probably shouldn't have and I promise not to ever do it again for at least a week or two. I have also changed my password. So there. I dare you to post something here again. I double-dawg dare you.

In all honesty I just don't believe in mid-life crisis. First off, why does it have to be a crisis? Is it really that big of a deal? Secondly, I'm just doing some much-needed housecleaning in my life and making some changes that have been a long time coming. I will be the first to admit I have been exceptionally unhappy the past 2-3 years. That's a long time to be unhappy. I think I would go so far as to say I kind of checked out and just went through the motions of life because it was easier and just settled for what it was. Mostly because my options have been limited by circumstances slightly out of my control. And I think I just didn't care. However, some major and not-so-major things have happened in the last 18 months that have served as a big wake-up call and a realization that I was starting to lose a big part of who I am in the process of all this mess and that if I ever wanted to be happy and content with myself ever again - much less be able to "respect myself in the morning," some things needed to happen. And they are happening. Not as quickly as I'd hoped, but I am restless and impatient by nature so in all likelihood it's going along fine and I just need to get over myself.

I am fully aware there are some people in my life who do not and will not approve of any of this and will make a big stink. There are those who have already made it known that they think I'm choosing foolishly. Stupidly. Making rash decisions. Overreacting to "isolated incidents," and "well that's just how it is and you need to grow up and deal with it." Well, that's their opinion. Thankyouverymuch for sharing. If that's how they're going to be and if they choose not to support me in this and be a bunch of self-righteous, judgemental assholes, then I guess I really didn't need them in my life to begin with, now did I?

But mid-life crisis? Um, yeah. I don't think so. It's called taking what's broken and doing what I gotta do to get out of this hole I've dug myself into and be happy again. I promise you - you won't see me rolling up in some fancy sports car with new boobs anytime soon. However should that happen, just smack me. I probably deserve it!